Byron Katie and The Work (A Critical Review)

We take a critical look at Byron Katie's "The Work" in our Beyond the Book review, diving into the intricate methodologies and psychological implications. This episode offers a comprehensive analysis, questioning the simplicity and universal applicability claimed by its founder. 

We dissect "I Need Your Love—Is That True?" by Byron Katie, providing an honest and nuanced critique. Starting with an overview of the book and its core principles, we delve into the personal journey of Byron Katie herself and how her experiences shaped "The Work." 

Our discussion critically examines the four-question process designed to challenge and transform negative thoughts, highlighting both potential benefits and concerns regarding its application in serious emotional and psychological issues. 

We raise questions about the qualifications behind these therapeutic claims and the impact on individuals dealing with complex problems. 

Our discussion is aimed at sparking thoughtful consideration and dialogue among our viewers, encouraging everyone to approach such methods with informed discernment.

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Transcript

0:34

I can't recommend the book we're discussing today or any other books from this author. This is definitely the first time I've just come out and said that upfront and are beyond the book series here on this channel. Our discussions are usually very positive. I try to offer a healthy perspective on the book and life and spirituality, and I think that honesty is more important than, always trying to be completely objective. I do try to be judgment free, but sometimes judgment comes out. I think that's okay. We're our you know, we're all human and we're sitting here, I'm sitting here talking to other humans, and that's okay. So sometimes we just have to be real and give our opinion. If I jump straight into the heavy lifting for this review out of the 20 books that we've done, so far on this channel, this was definitely my least favorite and I think I'd give a zero stars. So that's how we're starting out here. The book is I Need Your Love Is That True by Byron Katie? It came recommended in several online spiritual communities that I'm a part of and by several people I know in real life. It's actually something that I was really excited to read because a lot of people had recommended it. And as I started it, I was expecting something both helpful and uplifting. I wanted it to be and expected it to be this positive experience. And as I set out to read it, it showed potential. The further I got into it, though, the more I got this kind of odd feeling. And at one point I looked over and told my wife that I wasn't sure how I felt about reading it and that was before I even really got into the meat of the book. After the first portion where you, you know, kind of got into the introduction of Byron Katie's work and I'll be fully transparent and say that there were some things that I really appreciated in the first portion of this book that were helpful ideas on self inquiry and self analysis that would lead to more awareness in your day to day life. And I think that's a good thing. And that's things that can improve both yourself and your relationships that you have with other people. It's this first part of the book's kind of setting up. for this more involved process that is going to come out later in the book and that the author kind of planned to get more in depth as the book went on. And I think that's fairly common to see in self-help books, in the spiritual genre that you see that type of of set up. And this book walks that line that's kind of adjacent to the spiritual genre, but it isn't spiritual. And Byron Katie specifically claims that the process that she's advocating for in this book isn't the spiritual one. So I think that's important to kind of note upfront, and I keep it in mind as you approach Byron Katie and her books, I don't think that what she was advocating for and her methodology that she's going to outline here in this book and I'm going to talk about is anything that's super new. And I think that the concepts that she's bringing to the forefront here have strong linkages to spiritual thought. If you look at them from certain aspects, I'm not talking like the whole thing put together, but just certain aspects of what she talks about. But her message and her approach have deep technical ties to psychoanalysis, like actual psychotherapy. And it struck me as kind of odd because she's not a train or a licensed counselor. She wasn't a therapist or a psychologist. She wasn't trained clergy or even a spiritual guide. So I thought it was weird to get into stuff that was really adjacent or actual psychotherapy without having it come from someone who has that background. And so let's get into Byron Katie's background. She was typically, before she became this influential self-help person. She was a normal or typical American. She described herself as a real estate agent with big hair and Barstow, California, which is about as average as you can get in her opinion. She had a husband, kids and all that. She wasn't happy. She became quiet, depressed in her life, and she declined to a point where she was bottoming out. She was actually sleeping with the revolver under her pillow and talks about this in the book. And it got to the point that she was making her children and her husband uncomfortable. And so they checked her into a halfway house for women with eating disorders and people who needed help. And the occupants of the program that she was a part of at that halfway house were actually so afraid of her that they made her sleep in the attic of this house. And they actually barricaded her door and trapped her in because they were afraid that she would hurt them. And so she she describes herself as sleeping on the floor in this attic and it had a bed in it, but she was sleeping on the floor because she didn't feel like she deserved to sleep in a bed. And a roach was crawling over her foot. And she said that she woke up and she said that this actually led to her enlightenment and she was a changed person and that everything turned around for her. And I think that's great. I don't want to take anything away from this part of the book. It's always good for a person to find truth or find their true self. And I've had my own experience with this kind of sudden and deeply meaningful spiritual moment of awakening, and it's a beautiful thing. And she begins at this point in the book to formulate a process to help others based on her own awakening. And she would call it the Work. And you actually might have heard people talk about Byron Katie, you might have heard the Work. And if you hear that it's often associated with Byron Katie, I don't think she had a like instantly a trademark on the Work, I'm not sure. But it's often associated with her. Before we move on, please subscribe by hitting the watermark in the lower right hand corner of this video. And if you think this video might help other friends or family, please share it out with them. Helping others based on a spiritual awakening or enlightenment or finding the truth is a noble cause. It's one that I wholeheartedly subscribe to. It's something that I try to do myself. And there's all kinds of people out there that are doing this at varying levels. And if you're going to help people, I think that you should be doing it in a safe and fair manner. And I think different people are going to have definitions or boundaries about where those safe manners boundaries exist. And, you know, that's okay. We're we are going to have different opinions. And I for me, though, this is where the train kind of jumps the track when it comes to Byron Katie, she claims that her method of work is the super simple process of four questions that has what she called a turn around at the end. But between, you know, myself and all you guys out there, I didn't see this process as simple. And I'm going to kind of get into that. So let's talk about the Work by Byron. Katie, You take a negative, troubling, stressful thought that you're going to have and you apply four questions to it. You ask yourself, is it true? The second one you ask is, can I absolutely know that it's true. The third one is going to be how do I react when I think this thought in the fourth is who or what would I be without that? So then after you ask those four questions and answer them, you turn the thought around and find. Then you find three genuine examples of how each turn around is as true or truer than the original statement. And so that's the Work. According to Byron Katie, which she says is simple. But I never found it simple. And like I said, we're to keep talking about that first. She says that it's ridiculously easy as application, and I definitely dispute that. The first question is simple. I mean, you asked, is it true that's easy. But the second question, I think, deliberately leads the responder down a road that Byron Katie wants him to go down. And I think that's tough. And then you have to get past those first two questions. You come to a more complicated third question. And the fourth question isn't only complex, but it reaches into the esoteric where you have to kind of work your mind around or bend it around to find the answer to it. And that's not simple. When you're having to kind of reframe or bend your mind to something. I'm not saying necessarily right here that this is a bad idea, but I think that we can't say it's simple and then it gets even more complicated. And I think all of that above should be taken and considered before we even move on to the next phase of the Work, which is the turnaround And the turnaround is where things really break down for me is as far as simplicity and takes the Work into potentially dangerous territory. What Byron Katie expects here is to fully take yourself out of the reality of what happened in the facts of a situation or relationship, and then ponder something that you're essentially making up. I can appreciate what she's doing, and I could even acknowledge this can produce results, affective results. But you're walking a dangerous edge here, depending on how serious the situation is. And I mean, what I mean by that is that it might work for something simple, like, say you don't get invited to your friend's party, but then it starts to get really precarious. If you're talking about we're facing something like domestic physical abuse or maybe something even worse than that. So what the turnaround does is force the individual that is having this negative or stressful experience or had one to turn that thought around and put that onus and that responsibility back on themselves. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with accountability. The accountability can be a really good thing. But Byron Katie literally uses this approach to any problem that includes domestic violence, sexual abuse cases, and this forces the victim in these cases to ask themselves and to put themselves almost at fault. I know what you're thinking. Surely, surely this guy here on YouTube talking about this is reading this wrong? There's no way that this is actually happening and there's no way that that's written down. But I'm telling you, it is. It's all there in the book and it's observed in recordings for her on stage work and her public sessions with people that are videoed and in and of itself, again, there's methodology here for situations that can work for people. I just think that we can't pretend it's as simple or straightforward and always as always effective in every situation that she's saying. And when you try to universally apply one method to every single person, I think that you you're definitely going to end up with problems. The universe isn't this this simply black and white thing? Yes, the universe has black and white. It's the yin and the yang. But there's also that gray and that balance in the middle. So I think if we just reduce everything down into absolutes, we we can get in trouble. If you're still a little confused as to what the Work is, let me give you a simple example of it. As simple as I can make it, as you start to notice your thoughts, think about a time that you felt upset or sad because something someone did or didn't do. Like if you thought my friend should have invited me to their party and it made you feel left out, We probably all felt that situation where we got left out of something or didn't get up to do something. So now you ask yourself those four questions. Is it true? And so in this situation, are you absolutely sure that your friend should have invited you to this party to can you absolutely know that it's true. So that saying can you read their mind or know all the reasons for them making that decision? Three How do you react? What happens when you believe the thought So? Do you feel sad? You start thinking that your friend doesn't like you and then four who would you be without that thought? So imagine if you couldn't think that thought at all. Maybe you'd feel happier or wouldn't worry about the party. And then you turn the thought around. This means that you're looking at your thought in a new way. And let me give an example of this to the opposite. My friend should have not invited me to the party. Maybe it was a small family thing, or maybe you wouldn't have had fun anyway. So to yourself, you'd say, I should invite myself to enjoy my own time, find ways to be happy on your own to the other person. I should invite my friend to spend time with me. So instead of waiting for them, you take the initiative to hang out yourself. You say, Hey, invite me to this thing. Then you question the turn around. So you question the turn around themselves. After turning that thought around, ask yourself if these new thoughts could be true or even truer than your original thought. And this helps you see this situation in this new light and understand there are a bunch of different ways to look at what happened. So then you would theoretically learn and grow and realize that what you thought was a big deal, like not being invited to a party might not be as upsetting. When you really think about it. You learn that you can find happiness and peace, not from what others do, but from understanding your own thoughts better. I'm going to grant you all here that this is there some useful instruction in this example I'm giving you? This is an example I just kind of made up, but it feels a bit convoluted to me compared to other self-help methods. Like you can take this and you can say, Yeah, this might work. But for me and you guys might see it differently. This just like I said, it feels convoluted. It feels a little bit watered down. And even separate from my commentary on the Work so far in the video, it just didn't click with me. You know? I just want to make that clear. To be fair to you guys and the audience, like it was supposed to be simple, and I just saw it as anything but that. And it's not just the non simplicity of it, but it might be it's just seems unnecessarily complicated in its execution. Like I've read all these other self-help books, these spiritual books, these, these, these philosophy books, and they have all this useful instruction on thought and how to approach life in a more peaceful manner, a more calm manner, a more even more organized, logical manner. And for me, all that kind of resonates in this just kind of I guess I guess I just didn't get it and I felt like it wasn't fixing something as much as moving your brain around in different directions. And that causes you to ponder something in a weird way and maybe get a positive result from it. And it's almost like you could trick your brain into convincing you that that thing in your life that was caused by someone else was somehow your fault or my fault, that that that we caused it or deserved it. And I think there's people out there that will tell me, hey, you know, John, you're missing the point. And that's true. I might be, but I don't think that I am. And I can't at the same time that I say that acknowledged that this system does work for some people. And I'll get more into that as we keep going here. through all this, I did a little research on Byron Katie, and at this point in the book, I was concerned enough about what I was reading that I went and Google Byron Katie to see if maybe I was missing the mark here or if I was just way out and left field, like all by myself. And the search results and various links that I went to led me to believe that I'm not missing the point or the mark. And after reading stories and other critiques from other people about the Work by Byron Katie, that I was really blown away that so many people had recommended this book to me. It people that I really, truly respect and have look up to and have affinity for and think they offer great advice. So like again, it's conflicting opinions and that's okay. And I want to take a step aside and say that one of the reasons that this book is widely recommended and a lot of people have bought and read these books by Byron Katie, is that it does work for people. And if it didn't, we wouldn't see her be successful. And I think we also have to say success doesn't always mean that this thing is the best thing for everyone. And I'm thankful it has helped all those people out there, and I would never take that away from anyone. And so I just wanted to point that out. And further, I want to acknowledge that we all make choices in life and that we have to be accountable for them. We have to be responsible for our own decisions that lead us into being in a given situation and personal responsibility and living within the structure of responsibility. Is this big part of any self-improvement or spiritual construct and teaching and learning that we're responsible for our own happiness and associated thought around all of that? It makes sense. And there's but there's this huge line between personal responsibility and then bringing another human being into that equation. Once you introduce someone else into personal responsibility, it fails to be something that you have full control over. And Byron Katie would have us believe that that's the same thing. And I just think that that's bad math, especially when you look at the fact that a lot of victims don't have the control they need to have to make these decisions that they, quote unquote, should be making. I think that's unfair to the victims in a lot of situations, especially considering many of them are children or oppressed, when these issues that are covered in the Work occurred and I think it can be really damaging to expect them to have all this, quote unquote, personal responsibility when when doing something as important as the the methodology used in by Katie's work. I learned to research on Byron Katie that what we have here with the Work is called cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. Some of you may be familiar with that term. It's not just that it is CBT, but it appears to be based on the research that I've done, poorly designed and executed cognitive behavioral therapy. I told you in the beginning that I had suspected when I first started reading this book that this was actual psychoanalysis. And I think that finally discovering that it was psycho analysis and exactly what kind it was really helped me understand that this is this is something that is treading into things that are beyond self-help guidance or spiritual guidance. And she she actually was once approached by the government of California for an inquiry into her practicing therapy without a license. And nothing came of it. But I think the mere fact that they initiated it and had this inquiry is telling and again, my issue here isn't just the way the Work is structured, which does strike me as not particularly well done, but the fact that the author claims that is universally applicable. Again, I have to emphasize that very few things are ever that absolute, and I don't see how something as delicate as cognitive behavioral therapy can be universally applied in every single situation. And I want to note here that people have kind of followed up with Byron Katie, and said, Are you sure this applies to every single person in every situation? And she has continually said yes. And so I that has to be pointed out when we're kind of doing an analysis of the Work, it's like taking a wrecking ball to any and every scenario without any regard for nuance or subtlety. And I think there's a lot of subtlety and nuance in in the world we live in. Does Byron Katie always live in the present moment? She claims to not have had a single thought and 26 years, not that she's had a negative thought or a positive thought in two and a half decades, but that she hasn't had a single thought at all during that time. That's because she says she's so enlightened and been in such pure bliss the entire time that thought just didn't happen. And I'm not going to say that this is impossible. I think that concept is possible. I think it's potentially even valid in this superhuman fringe case sort of way. But I tend to doubt that this is the case here, given how she moves through this busy digital world. And she also runs a for profit company. One of the companies she has is a nonprofit, but she also runs a profit company adjacent to it that is involved in all of her stuff associated with the Work, including merchandise. And that's okay. I'm not faulting her for making money as not yet, but I'm just saying, like it's hard to say you're completely enlightened. Living in pure bliss. Never had a positive thought, negative thought, or any thought at all. When you're running a for profit business, doing the Work, her current husband is quoted, I believe, as saying about her. This is some kind of wondrous or positive thing, but the quote itself just doesn't quite sit right with me at all. And you guys can kind of take that quote, you know, as you as you see it Some of her stuff got very dark as I was doing research about her online in a previous work of her previous book. that's no longer available and been pulled from publication. She made reference to the fact that she would have no issue walking into a death machine, that she could do it with happiness and joy. And I won't discuss whether she could or couldn't do this. It seems irrelevant to me at this point. What seems really important here is the fact that she felt comfortable using the World War Two imagery and real events as subjects to discuss her work. She's also said that she would have no issue with her baby being ripped from her arms and put in that same death machine again. Why is this a subject she's comfortable discussing? She's also said something along the lines that we don't know how many followers of Jesus Christ certain dictators have created by doing all the bad things that they did. And yes, maybe that's true, I don't know. But I think there's a ton of missing the point in these discussions. And I think when you take something to these extremes, like she's taking the Work and saying, yes, this thing, it works every single time in every single scenario with every single person and every bad thing that's ever occurred, ever on Earth. It's just a bit overwhelming for me. again. I'm trying to be as objective as I can. She and her organization host retreats that have had some questionable practices as well. Poor food playing loud music to disrupt people's concentration and sleep. She's had people write out and told them to write out the absolute worst thing they've ever done in the world and then have them read out publicly in front of everybody. The retreat days are apparently super tightly controlled, and I don't have any issue with the retreats. I think spiritual retreats, self-help retreats can be these great things. But the whole make up of her system comes across as potentially controlling or damaging. It feels very anti empowering. And that's, in my opinion, Byron Katie actually shows herself doing the Work on stage with people. So she goes on stage at a retreat or in a class and she conducts this psychoanalysis adjacent cognitive behavioral therapy of a person in front of all these other people. And in doing so, it isn't just those four, allegedly simple questions in a turnaround statement, but she interacts with the individual and begins to ask all these follow up questions. And many of them are leading or they're, you know, subtly or maybe not so suddenly combative they seem intended to direct the subject where Byron Katie wants it to go. There isn't anything simple about this process, and I think you probably heard that say multiple times throughout this video. But you can't say something simple and have it be this complicated thing. You can't have it both ways. So we have to point it out. And some of the examples in this book that I read, they were pages long, and one particular example took 14 pages to print the transcript of the exchange between Byron Katie and the person and there was significant resistance by the subject she was talking to about this event, this disturbing event this person had gone through. And 14 pages. And then resistance by the subject is anything but a simple process. So I just don't want people to go into Byron Katie or the Work and think, this is an easy, simple process. It's not. It seems very complex. It might work for some people, but again, this is this has been kind of a wild ride reading during this book. These are my opinions of the Work in Byron Katie, and I hope that you all found found them useful. And if you remain interested in looking into Byron Katie and her books, I encourage you all to do your own research and make your own decision on it. I'm not trying to say this has to be one way or the other just to make sure that you're careful when you do it. And do any of you guys out there have experience with Byron Katie and the Work? Do you see this subject differently than I do? If so, that's okay. I'd love to hear your perspective. I'm definitely open to to other the ways to look at this. And if you comment below, I'll absolutely get back with you. I appreciate you taking this critical journey with me today. And I just want to remind everyone that our channel here is usually is this an overwhelmingly positive one? We try to be free of judgment as possible. You know, we're still humans, never perfect. if you're looking for a peaceful and open minded community where people can share their journeys, be themselves, even have conversations just like the one we had today, please visit Kishar.org and please like this video. If you want us to keep making content just like this and until next time, I wish you peace on your journey