Parenting Presence: Navigating Communication and Spirituality

Marcus Aurelius Higgs is our guest co-host this week as we discuss spirituality and how it relates to his work as a presence and communications coach for parents of pre-teens. He's a wealth of knowledge in so many different fields and even if you aren't a parent, you'll get something out his wisdom.

Check out his main site at: https://marcushiggs.com/

Transcript

0:41

All right. I think that we are alive. Hello, Marcus. How are you? I'm wonderful. John. It's great to meet you. Yeah, it's great to meet you, too, as well. You have great energy. When I've watched some of your stuff, I've read some stuff. on your website, you seem like you have this great, awesome energy. you know, they say you want to use what they say. Garbage in, garbage out. Also, it's if you change out garbage for goodness and goodness. Help. But then also when you put it out there, it becomes about goodness, out goodness. And I love that. I just find it's like, yeah, it's what you put out in the universe definitely comes back to you. I think that's why you look at different, like spiritual philosophies and stuff, religious texts from like throughout time. There's all this stuff about mirrors, and, you know, go back and read like Rumi. Rumi was always talking about mirrors. Right. and that reflection. Yes. There you go. Okay. Let's go right through me. I mean, it I mean, it is, right. That was fast. yeah. Okay. All right. This is our Friday live show. This is our second show. So you're our second guest. Thanks for coming on. we're ready for all our viewers out there. We run every Friday at 7 p.m. central. I'm your host, Sean Lawyer. my background is as a soldier who spent years in combat zones. Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan. Now, I'm a spiritual seeker as well as a coach and a guide sometimes. And, I'm just trying to open up the world and have better conversations and talk about different philosophies. And I think there will be a better place if we can all have these kind of, you know, open discussions. So, yeah, thanks for being on here with me, man. You know what, John? This is the, this was the last slot before there was this big break. And hearing you kick off the show like that, first of all, it's wonderful to be here. It reminds me of something that I used to call, I forgot what they called human library. Have you heard of this concept? I haven't, I I'm really. I'm really interested. So it was at this world fair, and they had a person who practiced Buddhism. They had a priest. They had all these different, belief systems, if you will. And you can go and you can check out a person and you could sit with them for 30 minutes. And it's all about perspective as we start to share life from all these different, perspectives, you start to see where they intersect. So to see where humanity crosses over and you start to see how different people just see the world. And, if you can hold those different perspectives, I think you get a, a better view of what this human experience is. Yeah, yeah. You know, I, I resonate with that fully. Like, I, I love that you bring up the word perspective about it too, because I think suddenly when we realized that our own perspective has really significant shifts, even if it's just a little bit this way or that way. Right? So like knowing that it's suddenly you put yourself into someone else's shoes and you think about how massively different their perspective is, and that's okay. And then I think when we accept that, we understand that, we can learn a lot from that, we can, you know, we we can see things that we can't see ourselves through other people's viewpoints, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and and oh, man. We just we just kicked it. I, I want to follow your lead. So please, if we're doing pull me back. Pull me back. No, no. But so what I was going to say is, even before we even get outside, you could either be introspective, like, or look outside. You can look in or look out and, have you heard of the concept of the unreliable narrator? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So then it's also in this takes, a bit of putting your ego to the side, but when you know that you have a full perspective, but your full perspective can or not even can be very it is flawed. There are blind spots in it. And it's been gracious enough to know I don't know it all. So I have to I have to stretch myself. I think that is a wonderful thing. Even before you start to seek outside, it's like, oh yeah, I don't have it fully. And how how am I not seeing the full picture? Yeah. Oh, I love that. And like in my previous life, I was I was into asymmetric warfare and I had to always in Afghanistan. I was there for six and a half years. I always had to be right. Like it was like part of my job. But at the same time, like when we weren't, when our guys weren't out on the ground like, and stuff was happening in between. When you were planning things and talking to people and trying to figure out information and do intelligence stuff like there is people are so afraid to say that those three words, I don't know, I don't know, know and and that they're probably the three most powerful words in the English language strung together. Right? I don't know, it's it's the seed of curiosity. I remember speaking with a monk in monk chat in Thailand one time. I told the guy I was curious, and curiosity is a virtue, but then I think there was something lost in translation, and he's like, like, no, no, no, don't be curious. Just be fine with not knowing. I said, no, no, no, I'm fine with not knowing. It's just I'm I use the word excited to know what else you know, what else is there? and I think I think because he was telling me his meaning of curiosity, like, words don't have meanings. People have meanings for words. And I think he sat with a woman who was anxious and she's like, I don't know. And she was saying, curious, but from an anxious place. But when I say, I don't know, it's just like, oh yeah, and there's I live in an infinite possibility. and it's just like, yeah, I don't know. And, yeah, let's, let's get at this. My brother, who's a mathematician, he said, the beautiful thing about math is for every one thing you learn, you realize there's ten things you don't know. So your ignorance is exponentially growing. Which means if you love learning, which is also a virtue, like, dude, this is this is your kid in a candy store. But anyhow. Because. Yeah. No, that's true. Right? Because you, you know, if you slow things down and you have that perspective and you start to think like there's so much out there that I can, I can grow. It's all about growth and learning. And there's something to learn all the time. And you're growing. You look around, there's all this stuff, there's colors and there's things and there's all this stuff that we we don't necessarily see if we're always, caught up in that noise. And you referenced earlier with the internal and any external, because we have that internal noise, our mind and ego. Right. And we have that external noise of society and social media and, all those things that compete for our attention, which is very limited. Right? Because we can't we can't really multitask. That's a myth, right? We can't we can't do two things at once. It's I mean, we can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. So, you know, I'm really I oh. Go ahead. No, I was going to say I don't want to hijack your show. And I know this is the second show where we're, We're building the plane as we're falling out the sky. What up is this? Totally fun. But I just wanted to say, I'll follow your lead, because I just. I did just meet you, but, I want to. I want to, yeah, I'll go where you want to go. Well, you know, and I, we always give guests an option to have a pre call and or not or just just start live. And I think there's something authentic about just getting to know each other. yeah. In the moment. And I like that in the moment idea because that kind of transitions into the fact that you're a presence coach and like, you help parents be present and communicate with their children. And, I just wanna let everyone know throughout the live stream and we're going to have a ticker scrolling that is going to have, your website on it so people can go there. you guys can get in touch with, Marcus there. And, there's also going to be a link in the description for the permanent podcast and YouTube. And maybe you just start by giving us a little background about yourself, like what's your what's your story? Awesome. Let's start with the origin story. All right. I am a viewer of this term third culture kid, I have it. I would love for you to explain it to me. Yeah. So my mom's from the Philippines. My dad's from the Bahamas, and I was born in California. the the term just means like, your passport is not necessarily your home country or your country you identify with. Right? I grew up in the Bahamas when I was 12, but I grew up in California, in Alabama, after growing up in California and in, in the Bahamas, I got a communication degree in Oakwood, Huntsville, Alabama. and I was a sincere Christian. religion has never been a burden for me. Rather, this is my relationship with the divine and I went to Korea after college as a missionary teacher. again, have you ever heard of seventh day Adventist? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that's what I grew up practicing. and as I say, I never used to beat people over the head like proselytizing, but it was rather. Hey, this is my walk in, my relationship with my understanding of God. And, I always made space for people to share what they share. I was of the mind, the Holy Spirit that started this work in me, started in. You will see to its completion. I'm just here to be as authentic as possible. Now. My world views changed. No animosity towards the church, but still held a relationship and love teaching. So I pursued that. I got my teaching degree in Thailand, taught in Saudi Arabia with the petrol company. That's a whole experience, learning about Islam as a world religion. Traveled North Africa, came back, got my second degree inside Thailand and went to Spain. Taught there for a while, came back, just I love Thailand. And then now I'm in the Bahamas with my aging parents, and I'm a communications coach for parents of pre-teens and I do teach them to be present. Like being present is a big part of my practice. Sure. and we can we can talk about that. But communication coach is easier to, to express. And that made more sense. And actually that that is what I do. I help them with, I help the parents themselves be present with themselves, that they could be a trustworthy present parent for their child as they're going through the first breaking of their identity. And I can explain more about the work I do, as it relates to spiritual, spiritual matters. I, ideally, I work with faith based parents, and I say ideally, but honestly, I work with anybody because it's with virtues and values. Virtues are actually with everybody. The 24 virtues following the Dia virtues in action that, I say it's the divine in me looking for the divine in you. This is how we connect through humanity. And then values are just what you find important. And as I've experienced many different cultures, different people find different things important. And I'll meet you where you are. I used to be a high school English language arts teacher. So narratives and storytelling and, being human is actually a big thing that I love. And, I love just to connect with people. I really do love people. And I used to think it was cheesy to say that, but there's no greater privilege to be who you are. And I say that from an authentic place in. Yeah, that's that's who I am. You know, there there really is no greater privilege to be who you are. I love that you see like that. That is this beautiful thing. And what a powerful background that you have. Like, you know, you come from from your your background, from your ancestors and your history is an interesting that's an interesting start. And then to grow up and go all these different places, I can relate to it a bit, having been in the military and gone all these different places and it really expands that world and universal view that you have. When you can see other cultures, you can see other people, you can experience it, you see different religions, and you get that humanistic, that humanism where you see everyone. Suddenly it's not nation states, it's people like it's not. And I think that really changes how we approach the world. And I that's such a a valuable thing. I think for people like you, who are support professionals, to be able to have that to draw on when you're helping guide people because it's it's something that you can't learn. You have to go do it. And it brings a completely different perspective in to things. And yeah, you know, I can relate a little bit to to your I grew up Southern Baptist. And then I look at church and so I have that Christian background. I tell people now though that I feel more Christian today. I'm an honest universalist now, but I feel more Christian today than I ever felt in the church. Yeah. You know, and I still respect Christians. Yeah. Could you tell me more about that. You told me in, in a, well you told me in a term you said I feel more Christian than I did then. Can you unpack that for me. Yeah. that's a good question for me as I've been able to read and study the esoteric and kind of more mystical studies of Christianity, the Catholic mystics and some of the other, mystics throughout time. I feel like they're very universal in their approach. It's not about like this, like, and throwing a perfect God in heaven. It's a humanoid type thing. It's about God, the divine thing inside of us. The thing that's that light that our self with the capital S. And so I feel like I feel like that what I feel like when I'm reading mystical Christmas, Christianity, Christianity I am it's not that much different from reading what a Yogi would write for Hinduism, or what the Buddha would talk about. as far as finding your inner peace and self and eventually Nirvana being heaven and you know, so and and if you just read like if you just take all those human touch points away and just, I mean, and it's been modified over time. But if you just look at what Jesus said, red letters in the New Testament. Yeah. How different is that from what Buddha was talking about or lousy or or any of the great teachers? Right. So that's kind of my answer to that question. The best that I can. I'm satisfied. I'm satisfied with it. okay. I, I, I really wasn't expecting this, but I keep this on me. My, my camera's a bit blurred. Yeah. Words of well-being. Words of well-being. this is actually my book that I wrote, and I think it's fitting that I do read this here, and, I, I got you right now. It's called Divinity is in our greetings. Right. Okay. So when you look at audios, the means to God. But if you see in the mass that means the God to me, the bounce of the god in you. just a lot of these phrases, actually, in our greetings, the poem will explain it. I'll just read it. Yeah, I'm interested in what's in the meaning of our greetings between our comings and leavings. Is it the divine in me? Recognizing itself in you, or is it more true? The divine is in you, seeing itself in me. Whichever truth you choose of the two meanings, divine is always, ever present. Self-awareness residing in the flowing fullness of both our beings. That's so beautiful. You're a poet, I love it, I love, I love meeting, meeting random poets. And it's not even, you know, you weren't even looking at that. So I love it. It's like. Like Bob Ross says a happy little accident, right? yeah. Yeah, yeah. You got keep keep a word in your pocket, man. Yeah. And I love that. And we'll, we'll also link that book in the description. Guys, check it out. I mean, I can already tell that it's going to be a great read. Yes. And, you know, it's funny. I have to go change the description on, on Amazon because when I initially wrote this book, just like my namesake, Marcus Aurelius, it's poetry that I wrote for me. And and that's actually that's how I, I will promote it because people say they love what it means to them. But it's as I was going through meditations, as I was living life, I wrote that poem to fortify me in my soul, like towards me. but yeah. Go for it. it you will like it. Yeah, you will enjoy it. Well, and I really hope people key in on this, what you're talking about right now. And it's like I wrote it for me. And I really, in any show that I ever do, I want people to understand. The best thing you can do for yourself is, is put yourself first, love yourself first. Because we can't we can't be present. We can't be fully there for anybody else ever. Effectively, if we're not there for ourself first, if we're not taking care of ourselves first. So I love that you say it like that. I think that's a really beautiful way to approach your life. Yeah, yeah. And then there's not dualism. There's also the idea you are me experiencing life from a different perspective. So, so those sorts of things are true. Like I'll take care of me to be a service to you if you promise to take care of you, to be in service to me. Yeah, I, I like that you bring that up. You know, we've talked about we actually talked about, dualism a little bit non dualism a little bit on our first episode. I think it's good to talk about because it comes a lot. It comes up a lot in spiritual circles. Right. Oh I'm a dualist. I'm a non dualist, you know, like and for me like that doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. Right. We can all be one with the universe and still be going through it from a very individual, dualistic perspective. And I kind of, I mean, personally, I'd like your take on this. How I see it is it's kind of that Daoist, like there's the yin and the yang, the light of dark. I'm the middle way and the middle path and the and I can choose where my energy goes, like you were talking about where the energy that you put out in the world. So how do you how do you see that dualism, not dualism coming together, not coming together the the best way or one of the best ways? I've heard it explained by a person who, I was speaking with a friend and he said, well, I don't think that we're all mixed up as two into one, right? Right. And I was like, yeah, no, I get that. I get that. So I heard it explained by Dan Siegel. Are you familiar with him? No. So Dan Siegel, he writes on he studies the brain and he writes a lot of parenting books. But the metaphor that he used was it's a fruit salad in that it's not a smoothie. It's not blend it all up together in a fruit salad. You see the definite individual parts, yet it's a medley of the whole parts that make the fruit salad. Yeah. You see the grapes, you see the watermelons, you see the cantaloupes. But they're all mixed up together. And that's what the salad is. Okay, so non-dual ism is that I hold these two truths to be that I am, in this state of understanding, defined, localized. Marcus. Right. Experiencing. And that's the label I put on this, of this point of view of awareness. and I am also I am you experiencing life from a different perspective, right? Or you are me. And that's part of the collective consciousness. so when I say, it's me talking with me in a sense sometimes. Yeah. No, I believe that. Yeah, I totally believe. And I'm gaining a better understanding of life by making space for all these different perspectives. Yeah. While still understanding I am a worthy enough perspective to hold this in at all. That when I return back to the collective consciousness, like, hey, what would you learn from us? So that's not you. That feels like a really healthy perspective. I love the way that you describe that with the fruit. because it feels like we can have that pantheistic oneness that we see, and yet we don't completely absolve ourselves from responsibility of living this life. And like, being this, this, this, this, spiritual, universal thing having a human existence. Right. Like, I think that honors the fact that we have this opportunity to live this life, and that that that kind of blends free will and this openness with destiny and fate. I think you don't have to have a decision on one of those being true or not. I think they can all kind of coexist together. Yeah. I will tell you something that I, I think it's in the I think it's in the literature, but I don't hear it spoken about much in spirit circles. it's a Rumi quote that says I, I won't say it exactly, but if you run away from everything that rubs you the wrong way, however, will you shine? Right? And and for me, I think that it's through resistance that we really understand what our true essence is. Yeah. We grow. Right. It's where you. It's like I can have all this knowledge. Knowledge is important. Knowledge is really cool. But knowledge only becomes wisdom if you transmute it through experience. You have to. You have to filter that knowledge through experience to understand where that wisdom is. Because knowledge by itself is just knowledge, right? It doesn't doesn't necessarily do anything for us until we've we're able to process it into something that is super useful, which is wisdom, and make it applicable. That is right. Yeah. it's, I mean, in it's and it's in there, but I think that's one thing that we've lost. It's, the resistance just looking for that resistance, seeking it first, first to maintain and then to expand. Because that's how our universe is ever expanding through resistance. Yeah, yeah. Do you find when it comes to resistance? what do you recommend? Because I love talking about this intersection between spirituality and like, the real world. Right. So how do you, from a practical perspective, how do you kind of integrate embracing resistance into your into your life? How can someone do that? well, are you familiar with Phil's stance? I've heard the name I have not read. Okay. He he has a documentary with, Jonah Hill on on Netflix called stuff. Yeah, I know I have. Watch that. Yeah, yeah. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Great psychology documentaries. Yeah, yeah. So he wrote the book The Tools, and then he wrote Coming Alive, which comes afterwards. Okay. and in his work he speaks of three resistances. The first one just to maintain, the second one to expand. And that's where you're seeking something out, like a little bit even further. And the third resistance is the one that blindsides you, the one that's unexpected. And when you ask me how to make it a daily practice, having your routines to maintain those, right? Yeah. And then, as, as it said in Emerson or so and doing something everyday that your friends. Okay. And and and I love that you you you said you're an Amish universe and a universal in it, you know. Octarian. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean yeah. Universalist. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like the Unitarians, but like a little more broad religion than that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because the thing is, and the reason when I brought up Emerson, like, I think it's through the line of the Gnostics, like, these were the people who were kicked out of the main church, but it's they were true to themselves. And every heart vibrates so that that string, it's just like you have to have a relationship and walk with the divine as you understand it. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know, I, I very much subscribe to like, Emerson and like that transcendent transcendentalism like, yeah, I, I super dig that. I think it's great. So, so we have our, our resistance to maintain our our plan, our schedule. Yeah. And then we have something that we do that we're afraid of every day, or just something that will, will test us, but that's how we grow. And then, put ourselves in places for healthy risk and want to say healthy risk. That is, stuff may blindside you like life is filled with enough resistance that you don't have to seek it out. And that's another thing to be like, I'm not against other people. Like like really in a very real sense, if they know what they want. Rather, I find people who are in alignment with what I want. I'm worthy to pursue what I want if it is in, if it is for the well-being of myself and the well-being of others, like I'm constantly seeking well-being, which is life supports those who support life. Right? And then you will you find others who are in alignment with that. And resistance is natural in life. Like resistance will come. Yeah. Because and here's the thing. This is why it's expected. It's very stoic thought. But this is how change happens. And that's all this is. This is just by change. And then we give it meaning. And that's what a story is. Yeah. Can't conflict. And I'm going through so many different things right now. But just just put a bullet in it when you, when when you want to pull the thread. No, no we're good. But a story is but conflict and conflict is having two different desires. Sometimes it's two different desires within ourselves. Oftentimes it's two different desires outside of ourselves. And when you align with other people or you figure out what they want, it's either, okay, do I want to rock with this desire? Or do I just want to not that that's that's what makes life more easy. But then you're going to find resistance wherever you go. So just expect it and, and stay regulated on it. Yeah. Right. Okay. No, I think that's that's your question. No, it's practical advice that's like that spiritual stuff. It's philosophical stuff. It's self-improvement stuff. But it's it's distilled down in a way where someone could listen to that again and write stuff down and be like, yeah, I could go do that tomorrow. I could go start doing that right now, which is even better. so yeah, it's I think it's great when we can take, centuries old lessons and, and make them applicable to our daily life. That's one of the things that I'm trying to do with my life and in this world is make that happen. so, yes, you're right. Go ahead, go ahead. Well, I wanted to ask you a question. yeah. So you're this. You're a coach, by the way. Like, I don't see a guest. I say we're we're co-hosts. Ask away. we collaborate in this moment. Well, yeah. You were serving in the military. Yeah. And then. As hearing your story. Right. It sounds as if you had a Damascus moment or a moment where you're just like, wait, let me pivot. Yes, you can, you can you can you tell me? Usually it's not just one moment. It doesn't take all day to recognize sunshine, but how did that happen? Like walk me through that I wasn't so I was on the road to Damascus just hanging out, like, you know, like marching, you know, I, I wasn't on a spiritual path that I knew at the time. I think we're all in a journey, even if we don't know it. But I didn't know it at the time. And so I was laying in bed late at night. My wife says he's asleep, and I had this. This, like, bolt of lightning kind of hit me, metaphorically. And I, I just saw a lot of this things that we were just talking about, the oneness of the universe, that we're all connected, loving kindness, that we could all have better conversation. They were all saying the same thing, even if we are saying it in different ways. And I wanted to help people help themselves, you know, I wanted to be a coach and guy just like you are. And it all came to me all at once, like a flood. and, that's kind of, that's kind of how it happened to me. and, and this is actually maybe in line with Ambers question. How would you define resistance when it came to you in a flood? Were you welcoming to it? Were you pushing it away? Were you what, like some of the feeling in the moment? I, I dove in like, like Uncle Scrooge into his money bin, you know, like, like swimsuit on, like, dive all the way in, embrace it. it was confusing because I wasn't. I didn't know spiritual vocabulary. I didn't know all this stuff. It was, a little disorienting. I just kind of rolled with it. It's like, this is what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life. This is my higher purpose. This is my dharma. I am. I'm going to do this every single day for the rest of my life and make this happen and do what I meant to do now, okay? Okay. I would like to tie it to Ambers. Question. Yeah. Go. Yeah. Go forever. Amber was our guest last week, by the way. So. Hey, what's up? Amber? every character has a desire. Okay. desire, by etymology, means of the stars desiring, a character is moving towards that desire, and we know it by their emotions. We look at what they say. We look at their behaviors. Sometimes that's a conflict. Resistance is anything. That impedes you from acting or moving towards your desire. That's that's how I would describe it. Could actually be an idea, could be a distraction, could be something within yourself. Conflicting wants. and that's why I say find things that you're in alignment with, right. Because resistance is inherent to the experience. And resistance, is inherent to the experience. I think that's that's a really good way to say it. You if you're if you have a want. Even if your want is just to be in to experience it, there's going to be something that's going to be pulling your attention or pulling your awareness or you know, so for me, that's how I describe resistance. Anything that is impeding you from being or achieving your desire and that's, that's, that's that's part of the game. That is the game. So she has a second question. Go, go. Do you want to go for it? Yeah. Not yeah. Go. No, you go for it. Go. Yeah okay a shot. Yes. how would I say grief ties into all of this? Interestingly enough, the reason I am doing this mobile show is my, My cousin just passed away, 36 years old. She was running away from cancer. Thank you. Your words are well received. and cancer caught up to her. Whenever you're going through a funky moment. And when I say funky moment, I mean jealousy, I mean grief. As you mentioned, Amber. I mean, envy, anger. The first question to ask yourself, you can ask yourself many questions. The first question I ask myself as a stoic is, what am I not willing to accept? What am I not willing to accept? And in accepting things, I also accept that I am co-creating this. So I have creative power in this. I accept life is and I can give it meaning. So how would I say this ties to grief? When I am trying to move towards my desire and something happens, it's like a big loss, quote unquote loss. I ask myself, what am I not willing to accept in this? And then I say, well, have I really lost anything? Or what have I gained like I can I choose to then shift my perspective and then shift my actions. So there's only really three choices. You have not three choices. Well, yes, three choices, but three things you control. You control your attention. What you're going to focus on. You control your perception, the meaning or the significance of what you're focusing on. And then you control your action. How you will respond to the meaning and in what you're focusing on. grief is to be experienced. Seneca said. Look, you are human. Experience grief, but only in as much as it serves. You. To be human is to grieve because it shows you what's important to you. I know the experiences I had with my cousin, and I know the importance of what she was in my life, and I know the lesson she has left for me. that's why it's significant, meaningful. And on Sunday, two more days, we're going to grieve together as a family. Yet only and as much as it serves us. And will I say that because if you get caught in a moment, like YouTube said in that YouTube, remember, you got to get yourself together. Don't get stuck in a moment like grief. Grieve. Really do feel it in your bones. And then there's a time when you get up and you still move towards your desire. I, I hope that satisfied your question number. That's really beautiful. description, in a way to, to, to to talk about it and to kind of express it. I love that you say to grieve is to be human, you know, and, and and also as people who are on a spiritual path or self-improvement path, it's okay to feel things being presence not always about, like moving on. It's some it's about experiencing what's happening right now. you know, up in explaining this experience. So people a friend was talking about to me about she was walking on the boardwalk holding her lover's hand and like at sunset and and I was just it was an awesome moment. I said, oh, I feel full sitting the last two weeks with my cousin. I said, you know, the best way I could describe it is a fullness, and it's a seemingly loss, but rather it is a human experience. Like, this is what we train for. But that's why we reflect on momentum. Like this is nothing without a little bit of scarcity and a little bit of urgency, but when you know you have something to lose again, seemingly loss. Rather, I then can settle in the fullness of it like this. It's a full view. Yeah. That's why, that's why. Yeah, it is, it is to be human. Yeah, yeah. I think embracing that humanness, embracing the feelings like it's part of the art of being a human is part of the art of like kind of experiencing this journey that we're all on. I talk a lot about, we are so goal focused. We're so goal oriented. I've got to get there on the map. I've got to get to this point. You know, we forget to enjoy the journey and and journey and you know, the journey isn't all great. The journey isn't all bad. It's both. It's somewhere it's it's also the stuff in the middle. And so, it's that balance again that we see. you know, you've talked a lot about stoicism and for the viewers out there, you know, your Marcus Aurelius Higgs and Marcus Aurelius being the most famous stoic, probably. And yeah. Meditations. Right. Probably the original self-help book, the original, philosophy spiritual. self-improvement book that he never intended to be published. He was just a Roman emperor that, had these profound things that he wrote to himself in his journal that we would all end up reading 2000 years later. So how do you think being named, the name that your father gave you, your your parents gave you how how how do you think that has impacted your life? Something as simple as, as a name. I think you're you might be muted. I'm lost. You. Can you hear me now? I got you, I got you, okay? My battery died on my microphone. my my father heard the name while my mother was pregnant with me, and he heard him say something like, wow, this guy, he he has some profound to say. And then he named me that, living my life. I came across his his quotes and I was like, yeah, this stuff resonates with me. One thing about stoicism is, well, we used to say this in ancient philosophy. The Delphi said it, know thyself and you'll understand the secrets of gods and men. Yeah. And what he would do in the practice. Stoic practices. Yeah. Right. In the morning and right in the afternoon. Set your intentions and plans and then reflect on them. it really has shaped my approach to living. That's what a philosophy is. Everybody has a philosophy is a John philosophy. There's a Marcus philosophy. It means learning all you've learned. How are you living life? What's your approach to living and if you ever look at inference of identity, that's the work I do, actually, helping kids to their breaking of their identity. I was a high school teacher, but helping parents to help kids do that. Knowing my identity and knowing myself and then acting for the well-being of myself and for other people, even when you're misunderstood, to be great is to be misunderstood. To quote Emerson again, it's it's learning how to you do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. Stop talking about what it means to be a good man, but it just be one, you know? Yeah, you you do what you feel divinely called to do because it's in your understanding, the right thing to do. And if it's not the right thing, you're constantly churning with it and you're not overanalyzing, worrying about it, but yet you're open, gracious toward yourself to continue pivoting, to still show up as best you can. I say the three greatest things my father has given me is one life. Yeah. Second is my name, and the third is his story. yeah. My father was an interesting character in his own right. He. So that's what I mean. Yeah. Just knowing his story is so blessed. Yeah. That's amazing. I think that that is a that is a story in and of itself. Yeah. You know, I say like this, there is no greater privilege to be who you are. There are three quotes in that. The second one is by John Donoghue. He's a poet from he's actually. He's a Catholic priest who is also a poet. But he said the duty of privilege is absolute integrity. So if you are special, if you are set aside and there's no greater privilege, and to be who you are, the duty of privilege is absolute integrity. Keep yourself together. The third is, and when it is told, let them know. It is a privilege to hear your story. There are layers of John that I don't know yet, but when I do hear it, it will be a privilege for me to hear your story. Yeah, I think there's something so deep there about. Hearing someone right. And I think for all, for people out there listening and listening to this, watching this, it's that, you know, if you can go out there and you can truly hear someone not with your ears, but like with your whole body, with your whole mind, with your whole soul, then like you're you're glimpsing that person's story, like you're, you're you're at each person's a miracle that that over thousands of years, our ancestors, you know, made it through the cave and didn't get killed by a wolf. And, you know, all this stuff that had to happen for each of us to just exist, is amazing. It's a miracle that we exist. And so when you're when you're hearing someone, when you're present with someone, which is goes into what kind of what you do, I think that that that you're, you're, you're gaining, this deep insight, into, yourself because like you said earlier, we're kind of looking at ourselves when we're looking at people and we we really do view people through kind of our own perspective. So when you start to realize we're kind of we all have this stuff in common, but we each have a different perspective in history that we're coming from. It's pretty kind of interesting thing. Yeah, yeah. This is life, right? Yeah, yeah. Livin right. This is living. So living. Just living. Yeah. So, you know, from a practical perspective for people out there that have kids, how how do you like when you get that bass question? Probably. So how do parents have this open? Like we're having this open communication right now, you and I. How do parents have that with their teenagers when they're always pulling back and trying to form their own little independent? nation that's got, you know, guards and boundaries and everything? Oh, man. I'll give you the top high level. Yeah. So it makes sense when you think about it. in human development, we're born and we're nurtured by our parents. It's. I call it a maternal energy. It's pulling you in, saying you're safe. You're secure. I love you, right. When you reach adolescence. And again, that starts at around ten. ten, 14 people develop at different ages. Adolescence. You're supposed to be independent, and it's paternal energy pushing you away to say, hey, you're safe, you're secure, I love you and I support you, yet I need you to be independent. Now, that's not the final form like Pokemon, but rather it's interdependence. It's when you're an individual. I'm an individual, yet we're working together because we're better together to move towards what we want to. Now. That's why you need that pushing away. That's how you create a holistic person who knows there's a safe space to come to, and there's a safe space. And being like, they can be the safe space. When kids are going through this, when kids are going through this first breaking of their identity, I say it's ice. Their identity is breaking of who am I? My parents are pushing me away. Oftentimes they equate like, do they still love me? Like like, no, I love you, which is why I'm pushing you away or I love you, which is why I need you to seek your independence. It's a natural thing for them to seek independence, right? In adolescence. The key is collaborative trust. You don't know who to trust. Kids are skeptical at this age because they haven't worked out nuance. Their whole life was black and white. And then it's, oh, mom said something that's not true, but you don't understand that. Well, mom, like they're gradients of truth, if you will, depending on your understanding of it. And then E is emotional management. kids don't know how to manage their emotions. They are selfish when you think that they were born understanding everything is all about them. They don't understand connection to something else. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Right. Because, We could be here for days talking about this. But some kids, yeah, they're tuned into the understanding. Right. Something that's about them. So taking into account those three things, I help parents, the first thing of all communication is understand your audience first, understanding the mindset that's happening there. Again, understanding what your audience wants. Kids really, this is adolescence. They want to flourish. They want to know that they're not a burden. Oftentimes when they're going through this breaking of identity, they're asking and wondering what's wrong with you when you communicate to them, nothing's wrong with you. You're growing, and I'm going to work with you collaboratively on figuring this out. when you understand that it's nothing personal, it's nothing permanent, and it's nothing pervasive in all parts of your life, you start to connect with them and bring it out. That's actually the etymology or the root of the word parenting and educate. It's to bring forth. I really do think there's beauty in the kid in all of us. Action where we're continually as the universe is expanding. That was it being pulled from the edges or being pushed up from the middle? The answer is yes. In both of those aspects, this is what's happening. and I teach you how to do that, not I teach you, but rather I give you go to frameworks, the show up framework. in order to do this, in order to bring forth the greatness from the kid. This is what happened with Marcus Aurelius when he was called to the the Emperor ship. And this is actually what didn't happen with his son, Commodus. He paid the price of privilege, which is not experiencing resistance and getting everything handed to them. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a really, that's really in-depth. I mean, I love how you talk about your craft. You obviously have a gift. of sight and how to, like, help people help themselves. Like you even said, like, I teach this, and you kind of do, but you're you're also showing them that they already have the answers within them. They just have to figure out how to kind of access that. We say, well, two things to teach is to learn twice. I love learning, which is why I was a teacher. But then it's not. I'm giving you the information. Rather I'm creating the environment for learning to take place. Which is why every time I meet a person, it's a new experience. No person steps into the same river twice. By the time you take the second step, both the person and the river have changed. Yeah, so every moment is a new moment. Bring your presence to it and try to bring forth the best. Yeah, absolutely. And so here you are talking about how parents interact with their children. And you're also that goes back to what you said in the very beginning, which is it's also about how parents interact with themselves. And, and I feel like part of what we're seeing here in this conversation is if you're a parent, worry about the anybody else having a relationship with someone, but especially parents and children. Once you have that relationship with yourself first established kind of set and centered, then you're going to have that solid ground to sit on for that interaction with your with your child. have you ever heard that story of that man, the man who wanted to change the world? I haven't maybe stop me if you have. And if you have, I'm going to finish it for Amber in the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. So there was this young guy, he wanted to change the world, and he had all this energy and he was gung ho. He went out to go do it. And then while he was going, going, going, he's just like, well, you know, he's figuring out the ropes and he's like, this doesn't really make sense. So let me try to change my country. I can maybe change my country. And he's trying, trying, trying a little bit older, a little bit wiser. Got married. And he's like, you know what? This isn't working. Let me let me try to change my state, you know, local government here. And he's he's going making an effort. And he's like, you know, the state seems like no, no, no. That like that's a bit too big for me. I'm going to bring it here to my, my household, my city, right. Sorry. My city, my neighborhood. he's trying, but he's a bit older in age, and he just doesn't have the energy anymore. He's like, let me just come home with my kids, my wife and me and settle here. And. But his kids have grown. His wife had known him over this whole time and said, you know what, I get it now. If I had started by first trying to change me, maybe that would have affected my what my my marriage, which would have affected my family, you know, and then my family would have been a resonance inside this neighborhood, would have changed my city would have changed. Maybe the state, as we connected were united. And you know what? Maybe, maybe, just maybe, I might been able to change the world. But it started with me. And that's really I really do believe that, I promise to take care of me, to be in service to you. If you promise to take care of you, to be in service to. Because as I'm that resonance, it creates a vibe. Things are going to be dysregulated. Dysregulation happens. But I got to take make sure my stuff is straight. That's a great story. so true. And I love that idea. That and I talk about this all the time with people. If you want to change the world, change yourself and, you know, it's it's that's the way and I mean, I, I don't know what makes me think of it, but as you tell that story and we're talking about this, it makes me think of that famous piece that that Admiral McRaven gave at the University of Texas graduation, where he says, if you want to change the world, make your bed, make your bed. And and he goes through the whole, you know, a whole list of things. But here you have a former Navy Seal, the commander of a special operations command, a warrior, poet, scholar and. Yeah. If you want to change the world, change yourself, make your bed, do these things for yourself. and, and if you're paying yourself, you're like investing in yourself and the, the dividends and the returns that we get from investing in ourself are way bigger than the returns we get on any type of other investment in the world. To to give it to you another way. so I taught in ninth grade storytelling and I said, you know, I want to teach ninth graders write the greatest story ever told. And in this story, we have three things. We have the author. The author is a person who directs your awareness. Do I look at this? Do I look at that? We have the audience. The audience is the one who actually creates the meaning by where their attention is directed. And then we have the actors on stage, the ones who actually do things. It's in life when you realize you are the author, the audience and the actor. All the same. That's when you write the greatest story ever told. And to tie it to McRaven, when he said, make your bed, it's you're being regulated. Doing what you say you would do to, to to do these simple things. And you get to see yourself doing it and you're like, that's like me. You're reaffirming your identity. And then you're just like, oh, yeah, because I'm showing up like this. And now here's here's one last kicker. If we say you are the universe experiencing itself, right? The etymology of the universe is verse means turning, uni means one, one turning universe. That's where you get versary with like verses in a song. But I'm one turning, you're another turning. This is the multiverse experiencing itself. But if I'm regulated here and I'm turning like. And then I'm collaborating with you, then that's where this bigger turning is. And then I, I'm responsible for this, and I'm responsible for the contribution to this in many, I got to control what I control and influence what I influence for the for the good turning. Yeah, yeah, I control what I control. Yeah. I think that's, you know, you've talked you talked a bit about there's are only certain number of stuff that we have domain over right ourself and that it's about like processing things as they happen. So that way we're not just immediately reacting. We're stopping and responding more thoughtfully, more aware and more intentional. yeah. I think that's that's such a healthy way to, to approach life. and it comes with practice. It comes with practice. Yeah, yeah. And I think, you know, because you're you're someone who coaches people who guides people and that's, that's, that's a lot about what we do, right? It's about. We can't just try something once and say, oh man, that didn't work right. that really happens, right? It's something that we have to do. We have to repeat, say again and and then we can evaluate it after a couple of weeks or whatever it is and say, okay, this makes more sense to me. I was like, whether it's it's being more present for yourself, your communication with your child, forming a habit for healthy eating or intentional movement in an exercise or whatever it is. Right? We have to we have to say, I'm going to take it's that cliche of, I'm going to take that first step on that journey of a thousand miles. And that's true. That first step is often the hardest. But you have to take that second step, and you have to take that third step. You have to give it a shot. You can't stop. You gotta be in motion. Right? Because the universe is always moving. And so if we're if we're if we're standing still, universe just passes us by a man. You cannot not communicate. That's one thing they teach us. So yeah, being still is is a contribution. But yeah, you're either going to roll with it or anyhow. Yeah. Well, I mean, I feel like I could sit here and talk to you probably all day. and I don't know if I would have, I would advise against it, but. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're not going to do that. But, is there anything that we start to kind of like, wind it down here? Is there anything that we've missed that you really want to put out there that you really want the world to to know? I'll say this. lead and leave with gratitude. I love that leave and lead with gratitude and check it out right. Gratitude is recognizing a force or something that's taking the initiative to act in your well-being without you even asking. I didn't ask my heart to be, I didn't ask. Arise. I, I'm recognizing these things, and it's just like they're acting in my will be when you lead with gratitude and you're filled up. You eventually want to take the initial action for the well-being of other life without a being asked. And that is love. Yeah, love and gratitude are actually the same, same coin, two different sides. And it creates a virtuous cycle when you lead with gratitude, it's like, oh yeah, the world is working for me. Like, and you know it. Sometimes it's hard to believe, but if you look for it, you'll find what you're looking for. And then when you leave, you just like, oh yeah, this is how this was done in my favor. Or how can this be done in my favor? Be curious if you can't see it and leave in gratitude. It. It it it starts to create the mind that the universe really is conspiring for me. It is working in my favor. Yes. That's really powerful. Guys. Like, for everybody out there watching this, listening to this gratitude is this powerful thing. And then the universe is working for you. The universe wants the best for you if you want the best for yourself. and I think that's so. It's such an important message. as far as connecting with you, Marcus, we've had your website linked scrolling this entire time. Mostly. is there any, anywhere else or anything else you'd like to tell people or direct them to talk about to? To be honest, I'm usually on LinkedIn like that's where I post. I am not so much on other social media. However, my friends keep on saying I got to got to, got to. And it's not them saying I got to, got to, got to. It's if I'm serious about my word, if I really you say the word is love, spread the word. Yeah, I think I'm in the season of spreading, which is actually why I reached out for you with this podcast. Market sigs.com is where you'll find me doing my work for parents of pre-teens and the other spaces. It's just it's just me just being me, being authentic. I'm trying to stay away from social media, not stay away, but I need to have a healthy relationship with it. And I'm trying to take care of me right now. No, I appreciate that. That's that's not technical in and of itself. That's that's some authentic, medicine right there for, for I think everybody. Yeah. Well, I appreciate you coming on. and, you know, I appreciate everybody watching and listening to this. we'll see everybody next Friday. Seven central. our guest host next week is going to be Chloe. She's also known as Method Muse. She's a spiritual and self-improvement expert. We're going to be talking about spirituality and mental health. The intersection of those two things. But Marcus, like I, I really appreciate you coming on. Being so authentic, being so vulnerable, like, a light in, you know, for the world. So thank you for what you're doing. Thank you for the message. You put it out there. I'm being man. We become by being and. Right. Thank you for for for the platform for hosting. And, it was a wonderful, wonderful experience. All right, well, if you'll stick around for just a second, I'm going to end the stream. But, we'll just have a short chat after here. Everybody else, you guys have a good night, and you take care. Okay?