Falling Off the Spiritual Path - And Finding My Way Back

My mom passed away recently, and it changed everything

For 18 months I was her caregiver. And in that time, I lost my spiritual rhythm, my creative spark and a part of myself

This video is me being real about what grief does, how it derails us and how I’m slowly finding my way back

If you’ve ever felt lost, numb or unsure how to move forward….this is for you. 

Let’s talk about it. Share your story or support someone else’s in the comments

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Transcript

0:34

So my mom died about a month ago. And what does that mean for me now. And where do I go from here. I've been taking care of her for about 18 months. And my spiritual path took a detour. This YouTube channel that I work on, I had to stop about a year ago after probably 83 videos. And it's been hard. it's easy for me to say, oh, I'm going to stay centered. I'm going to practice self-care. I'm going to do all these healthy routines that I'm used to doing. And I'm just going to keep living my life while I'm taking care of my mother. And that's not what happened. Life happened. Life happens to all of us. And for the last two years, I've felt like the universe has just been kicking me around. And I really wanted to be honest with you guys and tell you my experience because I feel like, is there a way that this can help you guys? Is this is this something that you can relate to or that you might be able to relate to in the future? As the universe has kind of been kicking me around, I lost my way. I've kind of fallen off the path. And I fell into what I've called the stream of unconsciousness. It's that zombie conveyor belt of life that just carries us away. And we get lost in it. And it's not the worst thing. You know, there's there's watching TV shows and just finding comfort food and doing all these things that I was doing as I kind of lost my way. While all this has been happening, I've had to watch my mother, get sick. And I didn't know what was wrong with her for for months. For for almost a year and a half, I didn't know what was wrong with her. And until the very end, did I really understand. Okay, this woman has pancreatic cancer. I didn't know that until six weeks before she died. And I don't know if I can really describe how hard it is to watch someone be sick and to not know what's wrong with them. She had a couple other things going on. Some type one diabetes, her pancreas failed and she had Addison's disease. And so we thought complications with that. but it's something that a lot of you have experienced. And I just want to know that I empathize with you guys out there that have experienced this. I want to connect with you about it. And I want to explain why I've been gone and haven't been able to make the YouTube videos that we were making and be here for you guys. it's something that we're going to get back to. My wife and I and the team here, with Kishar Spiritual I'm also interested in things in your life that have gotten you guys stuck. What derailed you off your spiritual path? Like, what are these big things that people need to know about that that may happen to them that have already happened to some other people? Maybe people can relate to each other here if you guys talk about it. So hit me up in the comments and say, hey, this is this is what happened to me. This is this thing, this big thing. And how did you overcome it? If you have overcome it, like, even if you've partially overcome it, what works, what what gets you back in to kind of the spiritual vibe? I'm lucky. I feel blessed right now because I have this kind of spiritual foundation that I built for myself that I can fall back on. I've had this huge thing in my life, and I'm experiencing grief. I'm. I've cried a lot and I've, you know, I haven't been real angry, but there's been some anger. I've questioned things, you know, what could I have done differently? There's all these forks in the road. You make these decisions when you're taking care of someone. And I could have done this, or I could've done that, I did this. Did that shorten my loved one's life? Did my mom die sooner because I made the wrong decision? It's this huge thing. And you think, would they still be alive if I'd done things differently? so you have this responsibility. This huge responsibility for another person's life. As I'm trying to work through all of this grief, as I'm trying to work through all this emotion, I am lucky to have the spiritual foundation. It’s something that that is sustaining me right now through this tough time. It's something that is is centering me and offer me some grounded, connection to the universe. You know, I believe in this universal pantheistic whole what works for you? What brought you back? what did you do that that got you kind of over the hill? we created this channel to have meaningful discussions about spirituality, about self-help and it wasn't just say, hey, I want to be enlightened or I've been awakened or, you know, I've seen the beyond or whatever. It's also, how do I live that in this real world that has all these, these bumps in the road? How do I, take care of myself? How do I interact with others? And how do we live a positive, happy existence? And that's something that I'm really, I wouldn't say struggling with right now. I guess I'm just trying to get my head around it and, we talk about world religions. We talk about, all these different books that I've read, whether it's about Hinduism or Buddhism. we're going to keep making videos about all of that, but we're probably going to make some videos that go into grief, that go into, the struggle of caretaking and, one of the things we don't like to talk about when someone dies is there's this huge sense of relief that they've passed on and they're at peace. That's one sense of relief that you have for your loved one. But then there's this if you're a caretaker and some of you can relate to this, this. It may sound awful, but there's also a sense of relief that you don't have to be responsible for that person anymore, and you feel guilty about that. And I'm probably a little bit all over the place here because this isn't, you know, one of my typical I don't have a full script on this. I'm just trying to be real with you guys. And I want to know what you guys have felt. If you're caretakers and you've had to, experience that sense of relief that they're at peace, and also the sense of relief that you're no longer responsible for them. Please let me know, because it's something that I love to talk to people about. if you guys have seen videos on the channel that you you want more of on a subject, we're interested in what kind of content you guys want. send me a message. Hit me up in the comments and say, this is what we're looking for, and we'll research it and we'll get you a video made. the conversation doesn't have to end here. You can come be part of a community that that gets it, that has conversations just like this at Kishar.org. And if you please like the video, we're going to keep making, great content just like this. And I'm going to see you guys on down the road. And until next time, I wish you peace on your journey. Hey!